No recipe, I don't follow directions, but here's the recap.
1, 6.5 lb crown roast (prime pork loin)
8, heads of fresh garlic (yes. absurd.)
2, Spanish onions
2, mcIntosh apples
1 cup malbec (red wine)
about 3/4 cup of water
(eff measurements for all the rest of this, math blows)
equal parts of quite a bit of orange and lime juice
a holy shit ton of ancho chili powder
quite a bit of cumin, oregano, hungarian paprika and thyme
a lot of freshly cracked black pepper
some coarse sea salt
some olive oil
Place the crown roast on onions, use them like a rack. Stuff roast with as many of the garlic cloves and apple chunks as possible. (break string and tie back together a few times....)
(This is not cooked yet, it is just the spice rub.)
Drizzle w/ olive oil and cover topmost bones w/foil so they don't scorch. Baste the hell out of it during the cooking process.
Cook the roast beast in a relatively slow oven (325) til internal temp reaches 160. This took four hours and fifteen minutes. WTF?!! Did people have lives before we ate out nearly every night? Apparently not.
Remove from oven. (ow)
The garlic cloves are still far too raw. Fry up 3 pieces of bacon (we're out of olive oil, and pork fat rules), remove garlic from roast pan and saute with bacon. Crush garlic. Once garlic mash begins to brown, add marinade/juices from pan. Reduce to about 1/4 original volume making a thick brown sauce, w/o flour, because flour gravies rather suck and are so 1950.
Deglaze that pan with some more wine for good luck. Add to gravy.
Slice crown roast along the bone into chops.
Layer chops with carmelized onion slabs. Pour garlic gravy over all of it.
Holy _crap_ this is good, but it is now 3:12 and I am in no mood to eat.
Also, the whole point of dropping $60 and about 8 hours prep/cook time on a Tues. night was solely and exclusively to get the bones for an upcoming photoshoot, which I am on extreme deadline for, not to randomly feast. (Don't ask, I can't tell.) The bones splintered and broke as soon as I cut the roast. So all of this was for naught.
Normally I'd plate this really artfully. Everyone is asleep, not even the dog is interested. Ah well, it goes in the fridge, apparently I will make friends tomorrow because I'm on a diet til Dec. 1 and I sure can't eat this heart attack.
So about those bones. Cook unamused to say the least. Of course I knew the risks that even a relatively slow oven could damage the bones, but I didn't want to waste the meat, so I went against just about every bone prep FAQ. No time for a do-over but I have to, this time with raw bones from whatever cheap shit I can fashion into what I need, which is what I should have done in the first place.
I need to pull both Martha Stewart and Matthew Barney out of my ass who are having quite a party up in there and probably giving me gas. I don't know how much more of this 80+ hour a week business I can take, I'm cranky and want a patron. And a pony.
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